Kevin McCallister is a Satanist: PART THREE of A Devilish Look at "Home Alone"
Part Two left off with both Kevin & the Wet Bandits preparing for the final showdown (also don't miss Part One). The bandits now know Kevin is "home alone," and Kevin knows the bandits are coming that night, Christmas Eve, at 9 o'clock.
Kevin is a bit deflated at this point, as it marks the first time in the movie his pranks have failed to serve his needs. He wanders icy sidewalks in the dark, looking at other families celebrations with a mixture of anger, sadness, and jealousy. Passing a church he hears a choir singing old Christmas hymns. Drawn by curiosity, Kevin enters and finds a seat. He looks over his shoulder, and do you know who he sees? That's right, Old Man Marley! This is where his role in the story begins to take form.
Kevin is frozen by the old man's piercing gaze as Marley stands up and approaches him. Mouth agape, Kevin expects the worst, when suddenly Marley cracks a smile and asks to sit down. Kevin's expression changes from scared to confused and he accepts Marley's company. Marley opens up conversation, telling Kevin he's aware they're neighbors and that Kevin need not be afraid because of course the rumors aren't true. In this sense, both Kevin and Old Man Marley have been made out as scapegoats in some form. A friendship takes shape. By forming a bond with Marley, whom other people fear, Kevin has in a sense embraced a dark power, and this power does indeed return at the moment it's needed most. We're getting there.
As Kevin departs from Old Man Marley, the tolling of the bell reminds him of his responsibilities and he runs for home. Closing the front door behind him, he vows "This is my house. I have to defend it!" Instead of running away or going to the police, Kevin accepts the responsibility. He draws up an entire schematic for all the punishment he intends to inflict on the two intruders. Then, without losing focus, Kevin meticulously sets his traps. True to Satanic form, these traps are designed to inflict serious damage on Kevin's enemies. The Satanist chooses their target carefully, only invoking destruction on the absolutely deserving, as the potential damage of a curse knows no bounds. Only the weak show mercy to their enemies. Kevin unleashes wrath.
The next twenty minutes of film is spent watching the Wet Bandits bungle their way through Kevin's traps, getting mauled in ways that realistically would result in death or serious injury. They fall down cement steps covered in ice, get branded with red-hot metal, get set on fire, take a clothing iron to the face, step on a huge nail and broken glass while barefoot, get taken out by flying paint cans (not empty), and dropped from a second story window.
At one point, Marv gets ahold of Kevin by the ankle. Then, just like that, Buzz's tarantula, a many-footed walker and symbol of fear, presents itself to Kevin. He takes it and puts it on Marv's face, bringing the dark creature to his aid. Marv screams with horror and releases Kevin, allowing his escape. The tarantula so frightens the bandits they start hitting each other with their crowbars to get rid of it.
Kevin calls the police, but poses as the neighbor and directs him to their address instead of his own, so as not to let it be discovered he's been "home alone." He leads the Wet Bandits outside and to the other house, but doesn't realize it's one they've already robbed, the basement filled with water from their call sign. Harry & Marv head him off, then grab him.
It looks like Kevin's lucky streak has finally come to its end. The bandits have him suspended from a hook, and discuss how they're going to inflict all the same kinds of torture Kevin did to them. Just when they're about to tear Kevin to ribbons...
Oh shit! Old Man Marley! Right in time, he steps forth and bashes them both with a shovel, putting them both down. Turns out he had a bit of the ruthlessness from the legends after all!
Through his venture into the unknown that resulted in the friendship with Old Man Marley, a friendship neither sought nor held by any other, Kevin was able to invoke this entity of destruction at the crucial moment and save himself. At this point in the film Kevin is the fully-realized master of his domain, having employed the skills of the left-hand path. Old Man Marley takes Kevin and they both disappear, leaving the Wet Bandits to be picked up by the cops. The thieves go to jail while Kevin & Old Man Marley are able to remain safely in the shadows. Their roles in the events go undiscovered.
The movie ends with everything working out, & I guess that's about all I need to say about the first Home Alone for now. Join me soon for Part Four, which confusingly is when I'll discuss Home Alone 2: Lost in New York, where there's even more Satanism to be had.
Ave Satanas!
Kevin is a bit deflated at this point, as it marks the first time in the movie his pranks have failed to serve his needs. He wanders icy sidewalks in the dark, looking at other families celebrations with a mixture of anger, sadness, and jealousy. Passing a church he hears a choir singing old Christmas hymns. Drawn by curiosity, Kevin enters and finds a seat. He looks over his shoulder, and do you know who he sees? That's right, Old Man Marley! This is where his role in the story begins to take form.
Kevin is frozen by the old man's piercing gaze as Marley stands up and approaches him. Mouth agape, Kevin expects the worst, when suddenly Marley cracks a smile and asks to sit down. Kevin's expression changes from scared to confused and he accepts Marley's company. Marley opens up conversation, telling Kevin he's aware they're neighbors and that Kevin need not be afraid because of course the rumors aren't true. In this sense, both Kevin and Old Man Marley have been made out as scapegoats in some form. A friendship takes shape. By forming a bond with Marley, whom other people fear, Kevin has in a sense embraced a dark power, and this power does indeed return at the moment it's needed most. We're getting there.
As Kevin departs from Old Man Marley, the tolling of the bell reminds him of his responsibilities and he runs for home. Closing the front door behind him, he vows "This is my house. I have to defend it!" Instead of running away or going to the police, Kevin accepts the responsibility. He draws up an entire schematic for all the punishment he intends to inflict on the two intruders. Then, without losing focus, Kevin meticulously sets his traps. True to Satanic form, these traps are designed to inflict serious damage on Kevin's enemies. The Satanist chooses their target carefully, only invoking destruction on the absolutely deserving, as the potential damage of a curse knows no bounds. Only the weak show mercy to their enemies. Kevin unleashes wrath.
The next twenty minutes of film is spent watching the Wet Bandits bungle their way through Kevin's traps, getting mauled in ways that realistically would result in death or serious injury. They fall down cement steps covered in ice, get branded with red-hot metal, get set on fire, take a clothing iron to the face, step on a huge nail and broken glass while barefoot, get taken out by flying paint cans (not empty), and dropped from a second story window.
At one point, Marv gets ahold of Kevin by the ankle. Then, just like that, Buzz's tarantula, a many-footed walker and symbol of fear, presents itself to Kevin. He takes it and puts it on Marv's face, bringing the dark creature to his aid. Marv screams with horror and releases Kevin, allowing his escape. The tarantula so frightens the bandits they start hitting each other with their crowbars to get rid of it.
Kevin calls the police, but poses as the neighbor and directs him to their address instead of his own, so as not to let it be discovered he's been "home alone." He leads the Wet Bandits outside and to the other house, but doesn't realize it's one they've already robbed, the basement filled with water from their call sign. Harry & Marv head him off, then grab him.
It looks like Kevin's lucky streak has finally come to its end. The bandits have him suspended from a hook, and discuss how they're going to inflict all the same kinds of torture Kevin did to them. Just when they're about to tear Kevin to ribbons...
Oh shit! Old Man Marley! Right in time, he steps forth and bashes them both with a shovel, putting them both down. Turns out he had a bit of the ruthlessness from the legends after all!
Through his venture into the unknown that resulted in the friendship with Old Man Marley, a friendship neither sought nor held by any other, Kevin was able to invoke this entity of destruction at the crucial moment and save himself. At this point in the film Kevin is the fully-realized master of his domain, having employed the skills of the left-hand path. Old Man Marley takes Kevin and they both disappear, leaving the Wet Bandits to be picked up by the cops. The thieves go to jail while Kevin & Old Man Marley are able to remain safely in the shadows. Their roles in the events go undiscovered.
The movie ends with everything working out, & I guess that's about all I need to say about the first Home Alone for now. Join me soon for Part Four, which confusingly is when I'll discuss Home Alone 2: Lost in New York, where there's even more Satanism to be had.
Ave Satanas!
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